About STBF

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 160 AD.

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Here is the "Given": I was brutally abused as a child, as were two of my sisters by our parents.  My sisters have chosen to take their own lives, but I persist in believing "Love" can be found, but Oh how elusive it has been to date!

I do deal with C-PTSD, just a fact that I no longer deny.

If you do not know of it, this will give you a brief description, but not all elements are needed to be a life path described in this article:
https://www.ptsduk.org/causes-of-ptsd-childhood-abuse/#:~:text=How%20PTSD%20manifests%20in%20children,including%20poor%20sleep%20and%20headaches.

I chose the path Marcus prescribed just shortly before my birth, live a life that is the opposite of what you experienced.

So, here goes:
My writings presented in "Seeking, To Be Found" are simply an expression of the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing at the moment I put pen to paper, normally in the middle of the night.

  My book is a composition of my poetry mated to one of my photographs that I took that to my mind and Soul echos the words.  In short, both are saying the same thing by themself, yet together amplify each others message.  Yet I have learned both my words and photographs may be perceived as complex if you do not know the origin of the "language" of my writings and how I have experienced and now see the world.

  My youth was that of relentless abuse, multiple beatings with concussions and worse.  A definition of Love, Nurturing, Guiding was completely absent.  However, I learned from example how to never be in life.  Yet, it was the cutting words that took the longest to overcome the pain from.

  The youth was followed by a lifetime of wandering the planet seeking answers to the questions asked of myself during my youth.

  My writings are not about one seeking a Romeo and Juliet definition of love, a "Leave It to Beaver" family or the "Meaning of Life" and finding it, or not.

  It is more like being in one Life Time, finding oneself lost in "White Out Conditions" from the consequence of others not passing along the "Mortal's Ancestral Family Compass" to guide Your Journey through this Lifetime.

  As such, Life becomes a journey that leaves you seeking out just The One "Snow Flake" in the Storm of Humanity that is meant to settle on the tip of your Soul's tongue and Quench Your Thirst, yet Never Melt from the Intensity of Your Soul!

  I feel my poetry and writings are best read in "bites" hoping that with time Your Mind and Soul can play with the different ways of interpreting what is presented to you in Your own way.

  I am not wise enough to know how to offer you the "Tokens" that help one on the adventure of weaving the fabric of our Soul's "Journey as a Mortal".

  I cannot offer them, as I was not given them to pass on to you.

  I had to make my own, as you will have to if you were taught in the same "language" of my childhood.

  Many of my writings are "Tokens" given to me by Myself in the pursuit to find "Balance" in a Life with purpose, as contrasted to what I have seen and experienced.  Much like personal notes that I have used as tools to keep me from abandoning my reason for Seeking a purpose and be a  compliment to another that has Her own Dreams, while giving me the patience to continue waiting to be found by The One to Compliment Myself.

  Please keep in mind that at this point in my life, the years since 2016 are the happiest I have ever experienced, and I hope that comes through to the reader in some of my writings.

  The "Ghosts" are gone, the scares have faded from every ones view, and brutality of youth has been replaced with the joy of what I have learned, that many Souls often miss in their journey if they have not been "challenged".  These life lessons are what bought me to this point of happiness:  I am whole and one with all, yet one with no one.

  Inside my book you'll basically find notes to myself of what feelings or lessons I still hold on to that have served me well.

  The process of bringing them from the depths within myself to "light" in the form of a poem/writing or photograph allows it to become more than just a "thought" hidden and not shared with others like yourself.

  One of the lessons:  I take JOY in feeling my face become "wet" by JUST SEEING a child on a path in front of me experiencing a moment in their life's journey fulfilled by reaching up for the hands of one stronger than themself and finding a warm and strong hand reaching toward them, grasping gently, then lifting them to the "Heavens" found within that person.

  The emotions of witnessing such an event brings JOY to ME to know it does exist for some, certainly not sorrow for what I never knew!  At times, it can be difficult to keep from walking up and just saying to both, "You have no idea how fortunate I feel to have just seen what I knew had to exist somewhere in the world around me!"

  Fortunately, experiencing that joy is not as difficult as finding a valid “sighting of Elvis”, but it is far more valuable!